Rob and Linda, loving Parents...
Christien Haywood: We all know him, and love him ? simply as Christien. In case, you're wondering, we CAN spell. But we decided against the more-usual ChristiAn because, well, er, why was that now? Oh yes, it was because we are not actually Christians. The variant came from Patrick Christien Gordon Walker, who was Labour MP for his mother's home town of Smethwick. He was a boring Oxford don who was to have been Foreign Secretary in the Harold Wilson government of 1964 and would have made it but for one crucial snag: he was defeated at that year's general election after being MP for the seat since 1946.

But, for all that, Christien ? with an "e" and according to Mr Gordon Walker Scandanavian in origin ? sounded nice so that's what we called him, although it has caused the odd problem since. You'd be surprised at how often the "e" and the "n" have been transposed on envelopes and he has been turned into Christine. Things could have been worse. When he was in the womb, we referred to him as Spartacus, after the slave who led the revolt against the Roman Empire because we had been to see the Kirk Douglas movie around that time.

After we finally decided on Christien ? with an "e" ? his father,in a dose of characteristic overkill, insisted that the No 1 son, indeed No 1 child, should have three forenames (the others being Matthew and James) in case he was ever chosen to play cricket or rugby union for his country. At the time, three Christian names appeared to be obligatory in both games at the highest level so we thought we'd see C.M.J. Haywood up in sporting lights.

Christien never did make it to national representative sporting honours. However, at the age of 15, he did achieve success of a kind. He was challenged to a five-mile road race by his PE teacher and ever-willing Christien agreed with his rival that they would, in fact, cross the line together. However, the teacher put on a big spurt 200 metres from the finishing line and only a herculean effort from Christien enabled him to breast the tape first. As well as a win, there was an important life lesson here: Never trust anyone, not even one of your teachers! But Christien does have another name of which you may be unaware ? Surefoot Muldoon. This, apparently, was one of his alter-egos derived from his liking for comic books. (Digressing for a moment, there are so many of these books left at home, I feel that one day the floor of both the loft and his bedroom will collapse under the weight). But we saw Surefoot Muldoon in full flight on a family outing to Ellesmere, a large lake in Shropshire. All along the banks, the still, dark water was overhung by trees, with large branches protruding at all angles. To our alarm, we suddenly noticed that Christien had run along a low horizontal branch sticking out about 15 metres into the lake. "Be careful, Christien," shouted his mother. "You'll fall in." "Not me," replied Christien confidently."I'm Surefoot Muldoon." Seconds later, he slipped off the branch and plunged up to his neck in icy water. Having a sopping-wet son traipsing behind us for the rest of the day tended to take the edge off the outing. As the years went on, Surefoot Muldoon provided us with further exaples of the in the inaptness of the self-given nickname. But for all that, we love him like mad and wish our own Surefoot Muldoon a very happy birthday indeed.